Let's see since I last blogged, I have been kicked out of my aunt's house, found out that not only did my bf cheat twice but he told the one girl he loved her, and I have to deal with all the emotional aftermath. My only question rite now is why can't I have a faithful guy? Everytime I date someone they cheat on me because I don't give them wut they want. Why can't I just be their only. I'm so hurt that I told him about it and he broke up with me. Now he wants me back, but I told him he has earn it back. My heart is shattered...if only someone out there would contact me and help me through this...yes my 'loving' friends could, but I'm still hurting. they will nvr know the full story.
If anyone wonders where I am living now it is with my grandmother and my mother. my life is hell. sure i may seem to have it all but really those that have it worse seem like damn royality to me rite now. i know i'm being spoiled rite now and i'm sorry , but my heart is bleeding. if you think you have advice email me at lady_kagome215@yahoo.com
thanks brokenhearted
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
update for june 4th
Travis and I are trying work things out. We have fought off and on, but its just the normal stuff really....he's starting to realize the hurt he inflicts on me by not giving up girls in general.......i just tore into him sat. and sun. night and so I hope he finally gets the message.
Monday, May 14, 2007
up dating
well the cheating thing wasn't exactly the truest thing in the world. he was mad at me and lied to get me to break up with him, but I didn't...I forgave him and took him by surprise....gosh
Friday, May 11, 2007
well the new things now
After the whole Penn skates thing....things changed.....they was high tensions between travis and me...I felt he was starting to use me as someone to have until someone new came along. We went to prom and stayed at a hotel that night.....We had some FUN until about four in the morning. then we slept til six, went to my aunt and slept til nine when he went home...I passed out til 3:30 pm..........well, Travis and I talked Sunday night and he confessed he was going to break up with me soon...but i changed his mind in the hotel where i confessed to him everything i felt....without specifics....i told him i loved him no matter how much he hurt me...its different now...we are closer and more connected since then tomorrow is our one year anniverisity
Monday, April 23, 2007
Penn Skates
I went to Penn Skates with a couple of my guy friends and we met up with more friends..my friend julie ripped her shirt and we made blindfolds out of it and were blindfolding people. My friend Adam who is dating another of my friends Toni, kissed me by accident.
Now Travis won't forgive me when I didn't do anything wrong
Now Travis won't forgive me when I didn't do anything wrong
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
So far
well, do you know how it feels to be depressed and not yourself? But then to only turn around and have the person you love tell you are boring? The you tell him 10% of the truth and he ignores you until your friends point out your depressed and he no longer cares, but you also aren't eating your lunch that you bought. If you do then you know my life friday.
He ignored me because I hurt him...God ignoring me makes me want to burn myself again, but I promised I wouldn't. I don't want to hurt so much...I cried in the guidance office......Then he acted fine and said we needed to talk about it and we haven't talked a whole lot since....that hurts....
I want him to see the pain he caused me verus the pain i leave him. My pain is deep gashes...his is cuts...I have never cheated on him and have given up all crushes and fanasties for him....but he cheated on me, fanastizes about a 3some and others, and yet continues to crush out on girls
Why can't I just tell him to end my pain?
He ignored me because I hurt him...God ignoring me makes me want to burn myself again, but I promised I wouldn't. I don't want to hurt so much...I cried in the guidance office......Then he acted fine and said we needed to talk about it and we haven't talked a whole lot since....that hurts....
I want him to see the pain he caused me verus the pain i leave him. My pain is deep gashes...his is cuts...I have never cheated on him and have given up all crushes and fanasties for him....but he cheated on me, fanastizes about a 3some and others, and yet continues to crush out on girls
Why can't I just tell him to end my pain?
Monday, April 9, 2007
Can you say currently homeless?
Currently, I'm staying with my aunt, but after this week she is kicking me out. Like I'm such a bad kid. I'm not really I swear...I just try to do my own thing anymore....since I'm not living with either parent so yea. Travis believes its von. Von doesn't want me there, so, my aunt's willing to kick out family for her friend. I don't even know if they are lovers nor do i want to. But its bullcrap that my aunt is willing to kick out her oldest niece for a piece of kitty.
I'm sick my family not seeming to care anymore....my own mother doesn't seem to care for my birthday (all because she let me have a party earlier)
I'm sick my family not seeming to care anymore....my own mother doesn't seem to care for my birthday (all because she let me have a party earlier)
This Blog of mine isn't just some teenage complaining about the people who care....this is about a teen whose family has been torn apart almost completely from the inside out. She can be a great actress in the fact she makes everyone believe she is happy and that she is spoiled. This so different from any journal...it is a telling of my very thoughts and actions...its more than an expression, a journal....its a reaching out to see if someone cares enough to listen....
I'll tell you my story from the beginning from when I was little.
I was born in a hospital on April 11, 1991 at 1:14 to my mother and father. My father was off at war so my mother cooped with me during the time between my birth and his return. I was born with the umbellical cord wrapped around my neck which in my premature time, sort of prevented my lungs and liver from developing fully. I was hospitalied until the 17th only to almost return as I stopped eating. My weight dropped and the doctors began to worry. Soon, I was growing normal again.
Then, my father returned and we moved from Pennsylvanis to Kanas where my father was stationed. Around my first year, we moved to Puerto Rico.
My sister, Kylie-Lynne, was born around the time I was two. Shortly around that time, Kylie and I became a handful. Then, my family moved to washington. Before my fifth birthday, my brother, Josh, was born.
I had started school and also ran away a couple of times. Each time I came back though.
Towards the end of my first grade year, we moved back to Pennsylvania. We got here, we moved in with my grandmother or my mother's mother. At that time there really wasn't much room for us since my aunt still lived at home with her new baby girl, Maryah. I started at my new school. While staying there, I would love to hold maryah against my family's wishes. One time, my father was watching me and I picked her up. He yelled at me and I zoned him out. He then proceeded to beat me and threw me into a cold shower. I fell asleep crying I believe, but I awoke with bruises. My father lost his job the next day.
Within the 4.25 years I was going there, I had changed into a crybaby. Everyone picked on me at school save the teachers and a few friends. I left that school at the end of fifth grade to go to a charter school, but my family had be able to get their own house and moved in.
I spent three years there, changing into a stronger person than I was before. My sister ended up going there during my eighth grade year and I attacked her. I was so angry at my parents who had been since I was younger been fighting off and on. They always claimed divorce, but never complied.
I was put in therapy and my family was placed in family therapy. During this time, my mother and father hit me and threw me outside for ten minutes. It was all over my reluctance to pack my room. CYS was called in.
I graduated that school and started the local high school
Later, CYS was called in again when my mother slapped me for the first time in months. They pulled me out of my classes to speak with me and I ended up without lunch.
I started dating someone from a rival school only to have him try to control my life. The guys I dated at the charter school always left thanks to my mother. This boyfriend was everything my mother hoped for. I left him, making him the only guy I ever broke up with.
Then I started dating my current boyfriend Travis. At first my parents freaked because he has a son named Ian. They soon got over that
Then, five months later, I gave him my virginity. We had talked about our 3 year anniversary. He said he might propose at that time. On Sept 24th 2006, he proposed and I said yes. I still keep the secret from my family save for Kylie.
In June 2006, my family lost our house and I had to live with my aunt who lived there with Maryah and her son Shane. Her children are half-siblings. Since, then I've lived there.
I'm no longer a burn or a rubber band snapper that I used to be.
Since all this, I've learned that my fiancee cheated on me the first month of our relationship, which still hurts to this day, how he likes other girls, and how my parents are fighting once more. Now I've got to find a place to live since my aunt is planning on kicking me out next week.
I'll tell you my story from the beginning from when I was little.
I was born in a hospital on April 11, 1991 at 1:14 to my mother and father. My father was off at war so my mother cooped with me during the time between my birth and his return. I was born with the umbellical cord wrapped around my neck which in my premature time, sort of prevented my lungs and liver from developing fully. I was hospitalied until the 17th only to almost return as I stopped eating. My weight dropped and the doctors began to worry. Soon, I was growing normal again.
Then, my father returned and we moved from Pennsylvanis to Kanas where my father was stationed. Around my first year, we moved to Puerto Rico.
My sister, Kylie-Lynne, was born around the time I was two. Shortly around that time, Kylie and I became a handful. Then, my family moved to washington. Before my fifth birthday, my brother, Josh, was born.
I had started school and also ran away a couple of times. Each time I came back though.
Towards the end of my first grade year, we moved back to Pennsylvania. We got here, we moved in with my grandmother or my mother's mother. At that time there really wasn't much room for us since my aunt still lived at home with her new baby girl, Maryah. I started at my new school. While staying there, I would love to hold maryah against my family's wishes. One time, my father was watching me and I picked her up. He yelled at me and I zoned him out. He then proceeded to beat me and threw me into a cold shower. I fell asleep crying I believe, but I awoke with bruises. My father lost his job the next day.
Within the 4.25 years I was going there, I had changed into a crybaby. Everyone picked on me at school save the teachers and a few friends. I left that school at the end of fifth grade to go to a charter school, but my family had be able to get their own house and moved in.
I spent three years there, changing into a stronger person than I was before. My sister ended up going there during my eighth grade year and I attacked her. I was so angry at my parents who had been since I was younger been fighting off and on. They always claimed divorce, but never complied.
I was put in therapy and my family was placed in family therapy. During this time, my mother and father hit me and threw me outside for ten minutes. It was all over my reluctance to pack my room. CYS was called in.
I graduated that school and started the local high school
Later, CYS was called in again when my mother slapped me for the first time in months. They pulled me out of my classes to speak with me and I ended up without lunch.
I started dating someone from a rival school only to have him try to control my life. The guys I dated at the charter school always left thanks to my mother. This boyfriend was everything my mother hoped for. I left him, making him the only guy I ever broke up with.
Then I started dating my current boyfriend Travis. At first my parents freaked because he has a son named Ian. They soon got over that
Then, five months later, I gave him my virginity. We had talked about our 3 year anniversary. He said he might propose at that time. On Sept 24th 2006, he proposed and I said yes. I still keep the secret from my family save for Kylie.
In June 2006, my family lost our house and I had to live with my aunt who lived there with Maryah and her son Shane. Her children are half-siblings. Since, then I've lived there.
I'm no longer a burn or a rubber band snapper that I used to be.
Since all this, I've learned that my fiancee cheated on me the first month of our relationship, which still hurts to this day, how he likes other girls, and how my parents are fighting once more. Now I've got to find a place to live since my aunt is planning on kicking me out next week.
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